The Stranger"The Stranger"
I smelled the air
And smelled the leaves crunched with the mulch
And felt the wooden rain-beaten planks beneath my feet
And I knew I was home.
This place I spent all my life
Every inch of my world
Because that's all I had and all I knew.
This home was always there
Since the dawn of time, it seems,
Though my history books and the photo albums tell me otherwise.
I turned the doorknob to that room
That four sided three window room I knew
Even better than the leaf-scented air.
I dropped my solitary suitcase
And laid upon my bed.
Spread my weary limbs across the cool untouched comforter,
Cold from lack of body contact for so long...
Limbs that groaned with pleasure of familiarity and comfort,
But then I looked around standing in my doorway once again.
The dust was thick upon my old medals and plaques,
Photographs and self-portrait canvases and books.
Upon the dead rose corsage still resting on my windowsill.
This homage to my absence
A Part of MeA Part of Me
Come with me.
I want to take you on a journey.
Shrink yourself down and swim in this syringe.
Puncture my skin and flow right through.
Flow with my blood so scarlet and slick.
Breathe the air inside me.
Keep your head held up, dont drown.
Hear the deafening ominous thunder in the distance
And dont be afraid.
Travel my body, soft wet flesh
And tissue and delicate spiderweb of capillaries
The warmth emanating
Stare in wonder as you enter
My shuddering heart.
The black hurt creeping up its walls
The blue stains and aches
But it beats
And it throbs
And it pumps you right back to me.
Nestle with my cells
Sunbathe on my bleached white bones.
Ill breath you into my lungs
And taste you in my throat.
Ill keep you in the chambers of my heart.
Feel me so close.
Become a part of me.
Cling to a strand of my DNA
And never leave me.
To Go BackTo Go Back
To go back again
With brand new eyes
And read the many many lines
You wrote from your heart
Is to finally see
Just how much you really did love me.
The Mask MakerThe Mask Maker
Im a master maker of masks
A mask for now, a mask for later
A mask for tomorrow and yesterday.
I am skilled in my craft.
Youll never know what its like
To burrow beneath my flesh
And feel the coldness under
The current of hot blood
The blue lace of my veins.
The coldness is covered
By my perfect mask
So perfectly crafted
To mask the pain.
No, no one would suspect
Or at least I dont suspect they do,
Suspect that theres another me
Under this happy mask
A me thats torn in two
And too cold to introduce to the world
Too fragile to expose to the open air.
She will rust.
She will tarnish.
She will crumble and fall.
I take pride in my work,
My crafting of masks.
I do it for me,
I do it for you.
For if I were to take off my mask
You wouldnt like what you see
And you couldnt bear the bitter cold
The hollow empty me.
Don't Be Afraid-Dont Be Afraid-
All is well.
I miss you now, of course I do.
And of course Ill miss you when youre gone
But that wont happen for a while.
And when it does,
Whos to say I wont be right up there
Waiting for you in that lofty place they call Heaven?
Cause thats where youre bound.
You will not be taken so young.
You will see many great things.
Youll live to lie beneath the stars
To feel the wind through your hair with me
As we stick our heads out the windows of my car like dogs
Blasting the radio and cruising down the highway on our future road trip;
Youll live to write again, to move people with your words
To bring me to tears.
Youll live to love and be loved and marry and
Start a family all your own.
Youll live to be that eccentric old grandpa
Everyone dreams of having-
The funny one, slightly insane, with all the good stories-
You know the kind Im talking about.
Youll live and wh
Glow StarsYou'll never know everything I wanted to tell you that night.
You'll never know,
You'll never know.
I define my life by stages.
Before you-after you.
Or maybe thirds
Before love-During love-After love.
But is it After?
Has love gone away?
Will it ever return?
Or just be masked by other love?
Maybe I shall never know.
That was a world away.
A life with eyes so blinded with you
A different you, a different me.
Because I love you I let you go.
Go and be free.
Live your own life.
Don't think of me.
You say you'll always be there
But why does it feel like you're dead?
So far away now, behind the suffocating gossamer veil of my memories
Had I dreamt you?
Or did you ever really exist?
I see you on my walls on my desk on my shelves
In the vines that slither up the stone and past the window sills
I try to sleep and when I do your name runs through the constellations
And then I remember
I'm still awake
And those are just the glow star
I shouldn't have looked at the pictures.
I shouldn't have touched your shirt
Hanging still, still on its hanger
In my closet.
I shouldn't have watched that video I made.
I shouldn't have looked at your painting.
I shouldn't have read that note with your handwriting
That we wrote last summer
Listing what we would turn into horcruxes
If we could.
I shouldn't have listened to that song.
But I did.
And it's more likely than not
That I'll do it again.